R.I.P. Cardboard Grant

To everything there is a season, and Cardboard Grant's season has come to an end. Now, don't panic! We are not talking about Cardboard Brian, Ainsley's "husband," but rather his kid brother. Cardboard Grant was Ainsley's original spouse, but he was shorter than her and she didn't like that. We then created Cardboard Brian, who is a couple inches taller than Ainsley, and Grant became her brother-in-law. Cardboard Grant was a busy guy. He was often roped into dancing, playing school, babysitting the nieces, doing back bends and I could go on. We made several attempts to reinforce his body after all the wear and tear. No amount of duct tape and back braces could help after yesterday's loss of a limb and 75% decapitation. It was time to say goodbye. Ainsley has taken the loss very well. Big brother Brian still doesn't know and we don't plan to tell him. It's just better this way. R.I.P. Cardboard Grant. You were a good man. You will be missed.

Octomom

Over the weekend, Dad came up with a new nickname for Ainsley....Octomom. The name, I fear, is quite fitting. Oh, and if you are wondering why these little girls are wearing swimsuits, the answer is why not?! Every day is a good day to wear a swimsuit when your a little kid!

Disaster Averted, Thank You Very Much!

We experienced our second fashion emergency in the span of one week this morning. It is Crazy Sock Day at school, and we simply do not own suitable crazy socks for this diva. Dang, that school and it's themed days! They don't realize the difficulty they are causing for young girls in this community! Anyway, Bennett and I put our heads together, grabbed some curling ribbon and safety pins and turned her blah, black knee socks into very fashionable crazy socks! She completed her look with a candy corn shirt from last Halloween. No entries into the "sad thoughts journal" today! The Candy Corn Queen was all smiles this morning! Praise the Lord for creating humans with brains that can create and improvise. A disaster averted is always a good thing!

Lenny, the Arch-Enemy

When I look at this photo I can barely contain myself, it's so funny to me! See that little, brown dachsund in the background? That would be Lenny. See the terror on Bennett's face? That would be real. Lenny is our neighbor's dog, and for whatever reason, Lenny does not like Bennett. Bennett has never hounded him or caused him any grief. Lenny never bothers Grant, Ainsley, me...any of the other neighbors. But when Lenny sees Bennett, he often comes tearing to the edge of our yard, yipping and yapping and growling fiercely. He looks pretty chill in this photo, but don't be mistaken. The poor girl wields a big stick for good reason. Arch-enemy Lenny. The horror!

Oh, the Drama!

It's Red, White and Blue Day at school today. This is a big problem because Bennett woke up feeling that her selection of clothing in these colors is subpar. Thus began some Friday morning drama. Those of you with school-age daughters know that it doesn't take much to set off the drama, but it can take a whole lot to bring it to a halt. The drama this morning was so severe, that it prompted the creation of the "My Sad Thoughts Journal" and it's first entry... "I don't feel proud to be an American, I feel sick to be alive." Really?!?!?!?

Yes, really. And here we have the face to prove it, as well as the outfit that brought it on. Fortunately we've been through enough of these spells to know that by the time I pick her up at 3:15 she'll be all smiles. The attitude will have changed even though the outfit hasn't. Oh, the drama!

Pot Holders

As I was making lunch today, I opened a kitchen drawer and it dawned on me...we have a buttload of hand-woven pot holders. If wealth were measured in pot holders, our family is loaded. I am glad Bennett loves her little loom, but this is a bit ridiculous. Some of you have received these pot holders from us as gifts, but it appears that not enough of you have. Don't be surprised if the next time you have a baby or a birthday, you receive a pot holder. Consider yourself lucky to have one, and consider yourself appreciated for helping us downsize.

Cardboard, I Love You

Do you know what is the best toy that has ever been invented? Cardboard. Cardboard makes kids happy. Cardboard boosts their creativity. Cardboard occupies them for long periods of time. Cardboard trashes up your house...oh well, what's new. Cardboard, I love you!

Behavior Management Tool: The Gummy Krabby Patty

Twice a year at Easter and Halloween, the Frankford Candy & Chocolate Company does me a gianormous favor. They produce Gummy Krabby Patties. You can purchase a bag of these completely nutritionless goodies at Walmart for $2 a bag. For $2 you will receive approximately 20 little gummy crab cakes that will make your life wonderful. Your kids will be happy as all get out, and they will do most anything for one of these Krabby Patties. They will be cooperative, they'll be cheerful, they will share with each other, they will clean their room, they will shine your shoes, they will mow the lawn...they will do anything you ask, as long as you will give them a Krabby Patty. Who needs behavior management skills and wise disciplinary sense when you can simply rely on the Krabby Patty? Okay, maybe that is not sound child rearing practice, but I do encourage you to pick up a bag and enjoy the magic, if only for a fleeting moment.

Shopping at Walmart and Having Fun Doing It!

Our children loathe shopping and running errands. They especially dislike time spent at Wal-Mart. Dad and I don't particularly enjoy being at Walmart either, but Dad's primary love language is "quality time." I'm thankful for that. However, what this means is that when he needs a new bulb for the brake light in his car, we ALL go to purchase it at Wal-Mart. All of us, all together, all being a family....all hating being at Walmart. Last night was different though. Last night our trip to Walmart was remarkably pleasant. Below are the reasons why. The Halloween aisle is ready to roll! We are not big on Halloween at our house, but every year the creepy, automated hands bring the girls loads of entertainment.

Zowie! The second one from the right narrowly missed Ainsley! Good thing she's so quick!

Since we're only 100 days out from Christmas, why not browse the toy aisles and begin dreaming up that Christmas list? Bennett is jamming on a flat, cardboard virtual guitar of some sort. The girls are pretty sure that Cardboard Brian will have this puppy on his list this year.

Walmart entertainment continued into the parking lot as we left. The ladies in the family watched in suspense, horror and thrill as Dad went up against a wasp on the outside of his car window. Here he is, about to smash it with his pocket pack of Kleenex. What a hero!

Things We Get Excited About!

There are a couple of things we are really excited about this week! In order of importance they are: 1. Bennett has FINALLY mastered bicycle riding on two wheels. She is still perfecting the initial takeoff from a stopped position, but once she launches the girl is cruising. Pretty soon, she'll look something like this...

....Excitebike rider! I digress. Does anyone remember the glorious Nintendo game, Excitebike?! If you don't, I'm sorry. You haven't lived. Excitebike was rad, and Bennett, you are doing a rad job on your bike!

2. The development of this product is very, very exciting to me. I purchased it for the first time today and with a $3.00 off coupon, I might add! The promise that this product holds for me is unprecedented. I have many a t-shirt with small stains from greasy little fingers, marker, ink pen, salsa drip...you name it. Ainsley is also a clothing trasher. I have high hopes that this product will somehow be able to resurrect 50% of my wardrobe and 90% of hers.